How to deal with narcissists, schizoids and possessive people

Quantum Self Discovery, Friday Edition, 6-min read.

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There are many types of people, but there are some in particular who are no good at all, especially in a relationship.

Maintaining an affective bond will usually lead to your devaluation and loss of self-esteem.

These are the three types of people (narcissistic, schizoid, controlling) that it is best not to fall in love with, if you are already there, the best thing to do is to get out and seek professional help.

There are others, of course, but I will talk about these three because they seem to me to be the most common.

Narcissists

The first has more to do with men than women who feel great, special, unique and see others as inferior.

These are the types of people who get upset if they have to follow any rules because they think the rules are not for them.

These people are known as narcissists, they are basically selfish and self-centred, they talk a lot about themselves.

They have great difficulty in putting themselves in another person's shoes and, above all, in distancing themselves from their own egocentricity, because they love themselves so much that they have no room for anyone else.

Those who are open clearly have this pattern.

However, there are others who are more hidden and harder to see.

Outwardly they are quiet, they don't attract attention, they don't want to be the centre of attention, they don't speak well of themselves, but inwardly they have this idea that they are superior, and if they can, they do, and they usually manage the relationship in that way, as if it were completely hidden.

Narcissism always shows up somewhere.

One weakness these characters have is that they are exalted and have a need for approval.

They don't want to be loved, they want fans, they want someone to flatter their ego.

Imagine such a person with a person who is afraid of losing the other person.

Why are they so attracted to them? Because they are very seductive, they are confident, they sell themselves as something extraordinary and a person who has had a less than successful experience with the opposite sex may see this as winning the lottery.

The problem comes later, you don't have to revolve around each other because they will demand that you revolve around them.

You can tell in the beginning when you're getting to know them.

When you go out with them, what they do is they talk about themselves all the time or they reinforce themselves in public.

The feeling you get afterwards, if you dig a little deeper, is that they are whispering "how lucky you are to have met me".

Fear of commitment/Schizoids

The second dangerous style I would say are people who are also statistically more male than female.

They have a very large territoriality, a very large space of autonomy, and they defend it all the time.

They have difficulty getting involved, they have difficulty putting themselves in the other person's shoes.

Your pain doesn't hurt them, your happiness, they can smile but they don't understand why you are happy.

You can live with someone, but the point is that you will become like a ghost.

You're going to be indifferent and what people who are in love with these people tend to do is they tend to go along with that style.

They often say: "It's my way of loving," and you can say: "I don't care, it doesn't suit my life.

I think that love is an affective exchange, it is not just a verbal exchange, it is "I feel you and you feel me", an entanglement between two people who, although they have an ego, are very close from an emotional point of view.

These people can kill you because literally what you will start to feel is that they don't love you.

They are not even capable of sacrificing themselves for you or doing an act of altruism for you.

They don't seek your destruction, they just don't care about you.

So it is not narcissism that is opposed to love (for what it does is misdirect love).

These people, called schizoids, are opposed to love because they distance themselves, they don't want to be in love, they may function well sexually until after intercourse, but when they have to have a more sentimental conversation, they disappear.

This is where he differs from the narcissist, who can just stand there wondering and waiting for you to flatter him.

Possessives

The third type has to do with characters who are convinced that the relationship is a bond in which they have the power.

They have a clear right to possess the other person, and the feeling of belonging leads to an automatic thought of control.

Ex: I have to control you because I know what is good for you, because I know what is good for you, because whether you like it or not, I have control over this relationship.

So there is always a paranoia of suspicion and jealousy.

You know it when they start talking about your things, they come when you don't call them, they turn up when you don't expect them.

You tell them you'll call them tomorrow, but then they call you at nine in the morning and say, "Why didn't you call me?

People often say how much they love me, but it's not love, it's a kind of feudal lord complex where you become the servant of the servant.

There are both men and women here, the statistics say it can be one or the other.

This control outrages the characters, these obsessions outrage them when the other one wants to free himself, without the slave, the lord loses his sense of being the lord, he needs the slave to be the lord.

"If the slave frees himself, I am no longer master, if you escape from my control, it means that you have taken it upon yourself to dare to be free".

Nishi, Hegel, they talked about other philosophers, you can recognise them all.

They should walk around with some kind of sign that says, for example: Caucasian male, 42 years old, I love to control other people, to have everything under control.

Then there is dominance, you become a thing and an object of mine, I love myself so much that I have no place for you.

In the second? you exist because I don't see you, you are like a ghost.

In the first, if you don't flatter me, someone else will come along because I'm the best.

Have you met someone who fits some of these characteristics? Has it made it easier for you to understand and comprehend what you have experienced?

Let me know in the comments which type you have met!

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Thank you for reading.

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